To Run or Not to Run

My expected first half marathon was this weekend. I did not run it. There were so many reasons that I should NOT run it, I found it hard to find a reason WHY to run it other than it was a goal.

I have had feasts of glucose, protein and electrolytes. I double-knot. I lock the door behind me. I had to prove what I was made. Just keep adding mile after mile on my internal odometer. I ran 3 miles, 8 miles, 12 miles. Some days more, some days less. I rewarded a long run with a short run. And a short run with a long run. Rain tried to slow me. Sun tried to microwave me. The early frost made me feel like a warrior. I cramped. But I paid no mind to comfort. On weekends. On holidays. I made excuses to keep going. Questioned myself. Played mind games. Put my heart before my knees. Listened to my breathing. Worked on my tan. I hit the wall. I went through it.

( this was adapted from a nike quote I found very inspiring- good job nike!)

I did not run the 13.1 mile 1/2 marathon this weekend. I had been debating all week because I have been fighting off this cold, trying so hard for it not to get me down. I felt the pressure bricks laying on top of me, the yogurt presentation, on top goes the native american health presentation, then the metabolism exam... I had to drive three hours , then spend a few hundered on a hotel the night before, then pay $80 to wake up at 6 am and run. Then drive back three hours .

It just seemed like all of this extra effort that was NOT worth it at this point. I started training in July with the hopes of placing very high. Once I hurt my knee, everything changed. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to run again.

After slowly rebuilding my distance, increasing my cross training, running 12.5 miles last week, I realized that I don't need to drive 3 hours or spend $300 to finish in a 13 mile race. I ran my race, I ran 12.5 miles in under 2 hours- about an 8 minute mile pace for 12.5 miles! I knew I could have kept going.

My initial goal was to place in the top ten and I was training at 6:20 minute miles, 7:00 minute miles, longer runs were a mix of 7 to 8 minute miles. I was on my way of acheiving it until my knee injury.

I realized after a long week of reflection, anxiety, pain, stress, sniffles, breathing trouble that this was just all ... silly!

I run whether I will "win" the race or just finish. I ran my race, and I acheived more than I could have hoped for. I already know that I can do it. That was my race, to find out if I actually can and would. I did.

This is where I start.
I start training again, a long-long-long training program to build back up to where I started. My knees won't go before my heart. My schoolwork does not get put aside to run, and if I start getting sick, I will wait until I get better.


So I felt that although no one probably knew, I had to write out what happened and why and that I am confident this is not going to be the only race in my future. I will be running many more, probably skipping many along the way.


Sunday, I ran 3 miles with Jack-brown-dog nice and easy. We stopped to smell nearly everything and when we came home I realized how AMAZING our crepe myrtle trees look in our front yard. I will take a picture today but I only hope they haven't quickly faded their gorgeous colors.

I made pumpkin pie breakfast for one again and I have a long week of studies ahead of me!!